Your "BFF" definitely should've disclosed what he was involved in. When you got there and felt jealous of him, it wasn't wrong to feel that way. Feeling jealous is just part of life. Acting on it is wrong, usually, but feeling it you often don't have control over. I assume you let go of that jealousy once you realized what it cost your friend to obtain all that stuff you were jealous of. That's usually how it goes with jealousy. You only feel jealous because you're ignorant of what it took to get what they have. Often it costs someone the price of their humanity to obtain a lot, and if you still have yours, that kind of trade is almost never worth it. Remembering that is the main way to combat these feelings. When someone has a lot, you can remind yourself that you also have a lot if you still have your humanity and they don't. Overall, I think the main thing you need to work on is attachment to labels for relationships like "BFF." It seems a lot of your problems were rooted in overestimating the value of this relationship. At no point did it seem like your so-called friend cared for you. People who care for you will do right by you, not misinform and massacre others. I wish you luck in finding your way toward a more accurate assessment of the people around you. A good tip is to observe their behavior. If they do things that suggest they love you, then it's ok to take the risk in believing that they do and to do things yourself that demonstrate love toward them. If they do things that suggest they don't care about you, you are free to care about them anyway, but you must be prepared for them to stomp on that care if you choose to go down the path of loving those who do not love you in return. I hope it all works out for you.
Your "BFF" definitely should've disclosed what he was involved in. When you got there and felt jealous of him, it wasn't wrong to feel that way. Feeling jealous is just part of life. Acting on it is wrong, usually, but feeling it you often don't have control over. I assume you let go of that jealousy once you realized what it cost your friend to obtain all that stuff you were jealous of. That's usually how it goes with jealousy. You only feel jealous because you're ignorant of what it took to get what they have. Often it costs someone the price of their humanity to obtain a lot, and if you still have yours, that kind of trade is almost never worth it. Remembering that is the main way to combat these feelings. When someone has a lot, you can remind yourself that you also have a lot if you still have your humanity and they don't. Overall, I think the main thing you need to work on is attachment to labels for relationships like "BFF." It seems a lot of your problems were rooted in overestimating the value of this relationship. At no point did it seem like your so-called friend cared for you. People who care for you will do right by you, not misinform and massacre others. I wish you luck in finding your way toward a more accurate assessment of the people around you. A good tip is to observe their behavior. If they do things that suggest they love you, then it's ok to take the risk in believing that they do and to do things yourself that demonstrate love toward them. If they do things that suggest they don't care about you, you are free to care about them anyway, but you must be prepared for them to stomp on that care if you choose to go down the path of loving those who do not love you in return. I hope it all works out for you.
Thank you Mark! Any chance you’d like to take over an advice column?
If all the questions are like this one, yes